When I was a young girl I loved movies – they were not only my escape from the real world, but they often had defining moments – lessons if you will, on the current climate of the world, perception on life events and alternative view points on everything from career choices to the ever so mind boggling world of being single.
Before I continue, I would really like to have on record that I have absolutely no desire to promote anyone (myself included) being eternally single – unless that’s a choice someone wants to make.
Back to the film anecdote …
There are two particular moments that I remember vividly – both completely normal scenarios, depicted in completely different ways. One was Better Middler’s character in ‘The First Wives Club’, who after a heartbreaking divorce decided to treat herself to a dinner (I mean wow *insert sarcasm*) , as she asked for a table the waiter asked ‘you’re alone?’ the same way you would ask someone if heaven forbid something tragic actually happened. The second film moment was on an episode of ‘Sex and the City’ when Carrie and Mr Big broke up (I believe the first time) and she realized that she was going to have to get comfortable being on her own, she went to a café, ordered a glass of wine and watched the world around her.
Both scenes had a profound impact on me growing up because I realized the importance of not only being able to stand on your own – but actually enjoying your own company.
As I sat at a café in the middle of Orchard Road, watching people walk by, listening to the sound of the rain and devouring the most delicious chilli crab – I began to reflect on the two weeks leading up to my trip. ‘What the hell will you do there all on your own?’ was the general consensus, and it took me right back to those two cinematic moments, when I knew, even as a young kid how important this message was.
The truth is, being in the wrong company, is far lonelier than being on your own, that what someone might think seeing you alone in a café should have no damn bearing on the decisions you make for yourself – and the possibilities of taking adventures big or small – local or overseas can lead to incredible moments.
So here is what I know for sure …
Finding joy in your own company is one of the most important lessons you will have – no I’m not a coach, psychologist or expert – but I truly believe that in order to find happiness with anyone, you need to find it with yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to take a trip (though if you can why wouldn’t you really) , wine and dine yourself (but again why wouldn’t you) – it means you find your own ‘me time’ and not only ‘accept’ it, but love it – whether you are single or not.
For those of us who are single – imagine the possibilities when you are living your best life out there on your own, how attractive that is, how much more likely a potential love interest will come up to you enjoying that glass of wine on your own than surrounded by a group of people – just imagine the possibilities …
But above all I would like to borrow a quote from the great Diane Von Furstenberg who said; “The most important relationship you have is with yourself. You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”