‘Oh but you’re so nice, I don’t know how you’re single’ – sound familiar?
It would seem that there is still an odd backwards perception that if you’re nice, pretty and have a pulse there really shouldn’t be any reason for you to be single.
Clearly these people found their other half before tinder, bumble, plenty of fish, the new found inability for anyone to actually talk to each other in public without a phone devise and my personal favourite before the overwhelming epidemic of the ‘commitment phobia virus’ (of course the virus has always been around, but since we never actually found a cure it has now reached astronomical proportions).
So why is dating so hard?
Well for one – some people are dating to date, while others are dating to find a partner. I once went on what can only be described as the greatest first date of my life – it had nothing to do with the restaurant, the wine or the fact that he was incredibly cute. It was the conversation, the connection (or so I thought) I was ticking boxes in my head that I didn’t even know existed! The problem? He just wanted a good date, and he got it – I was looking for a potential husband, and I can tell you that I did not find it with the guy that ‘just wants to be single’.
This is where bad advice and rom-coms really screw with your head, they lead some women to believe that if you just wait it out someday the person will change their mind. But the truth is – you shouldn’t have to wait for anyone.
You want to simply date? Great go for your life! In fact, this Casanova would probably be all for it. But if you want a partner, do not waste time with a guy who isn’t willing to give that to you.
Another error? We often go against our instinct hoping for the best. This is a rule that I have made my mission not to break – but like most of us optimists, have broken way too many times, and in the end – my instinct was always right. About two months ago I went on a date with a man who for all intense and purposes seemed perfectly normal. He appeared intelligent, sweet and apparently wanted to same things I did etc.
But somewhere in my gut I knew I shouldn’t go. This is where your cheer squad can often be more of a hindrance than help ‘you are always so picky, just give it a go!’ – sound familiar? So, I went, and without boring you with all the details, he was a particular case of shmuck who up and left 20 minutes in. To reference to my earlier blog on self-company, I obviously finished my drink with delight and left with a smile – but that’s not the point. Listen to your instinct – always – do not go out with someone ‘just because’ – no one should value your time more than you!
Knowing when to leave – this one probably touches on the previous point, but it also draws on our optimistic idealism of hoping for the best. But it’s really really simple – if someone isn’t speaking to you the way you would like, behaving appropriately or is just simply a shmuck – LEAVE THE DATE. Don’t wait for the excuses, the sob stories or ultimately wait for him to end it, you know your worth! Have a contingency plan if you have to, but never stay on a bad date until the end (yes I speak from many many personal experiences).
In the end dating is really hard – almost like another full-time job, believe me I get it – but the only thing you can do is know your self-worth and never compromise it, and for the love of god stop listening to everyone making you feel like being single is the end of the world, because it’s not.
Winding up with the wrong guy just for the sake of not being single however – bigger problem!
Above all the biggest rule to know is to always be true to yourself – And have a little fun in the interim of course!