Let’s be honest, being single has its moments – there’s the good, the fun, the bad and the very ugly. Sure, we all imagined at one time or another that it would be a fairy tale ending from the word go, or that a Mr Darcy would magically appear and tell us the thing all women want to hear – and you know what? I believe all that is still possible, but unfortunately (or fortunately, depends how you look at it) your life is far longer than a 2 hour movie, so getting to the happy ending comes with a few more episodes.
For so long my girlfriends have been saying to me “Liz you have some of the best dating stories ever – you have to write about this!”
While I would like to believe that at this stage I’m better at differentiating the frogs from the princes, I have certainly learned a lot over the years.
So here’s a glimpse into some of the more ‘colourful’ experiences I’ve had – so that hopefully you won’t have to.
The Salesman –
Otherwise known as the expert of charm, mind games, strategy and that good old fashioned ‘challenge’.
Truthfully, I could probably write a book about this, and before some men get their panties in a twist, I am not for one minute suggesting that no one date a ‘salesman’ again.
In fact this has nothing to do with his job title at all really, it’s about ensuring that you are not just another deal he nurtures, pursues and drops once the ‘sale’ has been made.
Have you ever met a guy who was so damn charming without actually saying anything? In fact the moment you meet me him the first thing you think is… “run, sprint, no no no, don’t even think about it!”
An equally important lesson here is to learn to listen to that intuition of yours…
But if he does get you past the initial devilish smile…
Here are some (lived through – yes I’m not particularly proud of) examples when you should run the other way:
When you’re out for drinks and he has just told you that he’s potentially moving to another country but in the same breath asks you if you could love him just the way he is – Run!
When he tells you he sees his future children in your eyes after only dating for 3 weeks – Run!
When you try to tell him how you feel and he magically manages to turn it around and make you question yourself – Run! Really sprint the other way!
Because as lovely as all the one liners may sound in theory – you never want to be someone’s sales tactic.
You want me to a friend, a partner, you want to truly get to know them and they you, and while the roller-coaster is really exciting in the beginning, there’s no place for it to go but down.
The 50 shades guy
Honestly I don’t know where this all suddenly came from…
But it seems that 3 books and 2 movies later this is now a thing, and ‘lucky’ for as we have to figure out how to deal with it.
I was once dating a man who in theory should of been a catch; a little older, living in the suburbs, educated, all the ‘ticks’. The last (and I mean last) time we spoke he suggested that it would be his great pleasure if I came over, got blindfolded and served him….needless to say that was that.
Don’t get me wrong, if you are someone who likes a tap on the tush – please by all means go for it, but ensure that whatever you do is for yourself.
For any girl or woman out there who has ever done anything just to make a guy happy (I don’t mean cook him a meal and be loving obviously) – I assure you it won’t end well, it blows my mind when I hear girls saying ‘yeah but you know he likes it, and maybe this way he will like me’ – A woman is not a doormat, server or slave.
The guy with more baggage than a Louis Vuitton collection
Let’s be honest, we all come with a story and some sort of ‘baggage’ for lack of better term.
But every woman has to know how much she can take on – this could mean you become great friends or nothing at all, but you cannot turn into someone’s Dr Phil all the time.
Case in point; if a man is crying to you about his ex – wife, complaining about his ex- wife or comparing you to his ex-wife from the very first date – I am telling you now, it doesn’t end well.
He is clearly not over her and you are just collateral damage without even realizing it – in my defense I was a little younger and yes you guessed it he was a very charming salesman, a 2 for 1 kinda deal.
Thinks that’s it? Oh honey I’m just getting started…stat tuned for next week’s part 2